Brain Training Unlimited

How many “yous” are you?

 
    You might be surprised.
     It seems like a silly question. After all, “I am me, and that is all there is” seems to sum it up quite nicely. But stop for a moment, and think of it this way; how many ways do you think of yourself, how many roles do you play, what are the life metaphors you unconsciously associate with your identity?
   When someone says “tell me about yourself” what do you say? Do you first mention your primary family role, your job, your nationality? Do you tell them how old you are? Or do you have a more descriptive way of putting things, a metaphor like “I’m a student of life” or “I’m a warrior for the environment”? What about your religion, your hobbies, or the fact that you were an eight year old child caught in a nasty divorce? Are you starting to understand why the question of which of the “yous” you are, is not as simple as it seems?
  How many times in your life would you have given a totally different answer than the one you would give now? What happened to all those people you used to think that you were? Where did they go? Are there remnants of all those parts of you in your current identity?
    Now lets establish something: I am not talking about “multiple personalities” I’m talking about one personality with multiple dynamic aspects. The roles you play, the metaphors you describe yourself as, and the identity that you had in your past all go to make up who you are now. The question is how congruently does all that integrate into your life, and does it support your goals?
    Ok, lets make a short list of some of the pieces that contribute to the gestalt we think of as identity. Some of the ways you can answer the question, “tell me about yourself” in no particular order.
   You could start with your primary familial relationship. I’m a mother, a son, a husband, a baby sister. Take a moment to list now the words that come to mind.
   Maybe the first thing you thought of was your nationality or your religion or some organization you belong to. List those now.
   What archetypes are you representing yourself in your mind? Are you a deep thinker filled with life wisdom, a joker who laughs at life’s adversity, a fool for love? Is there a mythological or actual person you heavily identify with?  What specifically about them is like you? Take awhile on this one because it’s very important and usually mostly unconscious.
   Now list your job and what that means to you, and while you are at it any jobs you have had that really contributed to your current understanding of the world.
   And finally stop and think about the overall story of your life. What are the themes, has it been a struggle a drama, a love story? If you told someone the story of your whole life what parts or times would you highlight?
    Now, stop and think about whom you were during those times, how old you were, and how all the previous questions applied to you then. And while you’re at it don’t forget the key developmental stages of childhood and adolescence. Now add anything that I haven’t mentioned that you feel really applies to you.
   How many answers did you get? The most anyone has given me is 84, did you beat it? Now obviously not all those pieces of you are equally important to your current identity, but if you really think about it you may be surprised to discover which ones are. Also note which ones you are most proud of and more importantly if there are any that you are ashamed of or uncomfortable thinking about, especially in your past?
   As a final question, think about a goal in your life that you have had problems achieving. How do all these aspects of you affect that outcome both positively and negatively?
 
   In working in the re-life-ing process many people have discovered that they are not congruent in their identity, that they have lost part of themselves, or that their current definition of who they are is incomplete or unfulfilling. It is also surprising to most people to really stop and think of all the ways they identify themselves, both positively and negatively, and how it affects their life on every level. Whether it’s spiritually, physically, mentally, personally or professionally it all starts with that one question; “How many you’s are you?”.

     Many people try repeatedly to lose excess weight. Logically they know they should and so they resolve to do “whatever it takes to make it happen”. Maybe they join a gym, or start with Jenny Craig, or simply commit to “dieting”. Then they get to a certain point in their progress and hit a slump, or “things come up”, or they just seem to lose momentum. Eventually whatever progress they made is lost and in fact they are often worse off than when they began. Does this sound familiar?
   Have you ever stopped to think what is it that seems to sabotage your health goals? Why is it you consciously want to change, but seem ineffective at following through? Well the answer is not in trying harder or resolving to really, really, do it this time. The answer is to change the way your brain associates weight loss and you.
If you have had a weight problem for any period of time your mind associates the word overweight with you. It is as strongly associated  as the color of your eyes your height, your sex, or any other physical features. In your brain you actually have formed neural pathways that lead your thinking process to equate self with fat just as it has connected self with human, or American or anything else you are.        
     That’s why you keep sabotaging yourself. You are asking your brain to make a new neural pathways, say from self to healthy, or slim, or fit. Yet the SAME BRAIN YOU ARE ASKING TO DO THIS ALREADY “KNOWS” SELF= FAT. You can’t ask your brain to change an association simply by deciding to. It’s been designed by evolution to make judgments about reality based on survival, and to hardwire those associations over time, to make the unconscious and automatic so as not to need to think about every basic assumption. Without that ability you would be like someone with no long-term memory unable to say “this was true yesterday so it must be true today”.
    For example your caveman ancestor didn’t have to stop and think what should I do when that big furry thing with all the teeth comes running at me? Suddenly changing hardwired associations is not the best way to survive. Deciding not to run from a saber tooth lion but instead to hug it would probably not lead to a positive outcome (except for maybe the tiger)
    Well the association that you have made from what your body is as  hardwired in a your brain now as anything else you believe. You can’t just say stop believing that self = fat but you can teach your mind to make new meanings and associations with what self equals.
   You can’t just suddenly extinguish a neural association but you can reframe it.  You can change it, tweak it, play with it. Self = “used to be fat”, self = “someone who’s changing”, or even better yet self= “a heroic figure making big changes and overcoming challenges”.
The reason that is better is because it is more emotionally charged, and the brain responds better to emotionally charged associations then logic, reason, and willpower combined. In fact logic and willpower is in and of itself almost useless in making lasting change in most people.
     The mind does not run on logic, but we all certainly like to pretend it does. The fact of the matter is we base our decisions on emotion and use logic to justify those decisions afterward.
    So how does that help the average person who has a challenge with weight loss?
    The key to overcoming self sabotage with weight loss or with any major change is to change the brains neuro associations about who and what you are. You see its almost impossible for someone who truly thinks of themselves as a “fat person” to lose weight. The brain will not accept it and will in fact do thing to maintain what it perceives as real. That’s why you find yourself self sabotaging.
    You begin to make progress and your brain gets the signal that’s something wrong, a basic assumption about life is being challenged. You’ve decided to lose weight but you haven’t taught the brain that there is a new meaning for self. So like an airplane on automatic pilot it keeps trying to get itself back to where it is programmed to be.
     Until you change that programming the plane will not allow itself to head in a new direction. It will in fact “sabotage” any effort to do so.
     So the question really isn’t “how do I lose weight?”. Instead it is actually “how do I change my brain to cause me to lose weight?”. And every client I’ve had has only made permanent changes after that question was answered.

Well I’ve got some bad news and I’ve got some good news. The good news is that people can change their lives in incredible ways.
Helen Keller was struck deaf and blind as a toddler in the latter 19^th century, a time in which a person with those handicaps would live out their lives in an institution, labeled as feeble minded, because no one had figured out how to communicate with them. But she didn’t end up like that. Instead she learned to read and write and communicate. A truly remarkable achievement. Now I know what you’re thinking- Helen Keller didn’t have a weight problem. Lucky stiff, if I was born deaf and blind I’d do great stuff too. Bob Dole, whatever you think about his politics, here’s a guy who was injured in war, lost the use of an arm. No one would have thought that he would go on to become a senator, a candidate for president of the United States, and a spokesman for Viagra. Now that’s remarkable
  Those people were remarkable because they did was unusual, special, heroic.
So let me give you an example of an ordinary guy, born in NYC in 1934, also handicapped in his left arm, but never letting it make him be treated differently than the other kids, never becoming a senator. Just a regular guy who got married, raised a family, had some grandkids.  Nothing extraordinary really, but very significant to me. Because that man is my father. Ordinary, average Joe and my hero.                                                                                                                                                                            And I bet you know at least one ordinary person who’s an ordinary hero, a regular person who has overcome something, persevered through hardship, become a parent or a teacher, and made a difference in your life.  Someone who inspires you- because even ordinary people can do great things.
     A person I worked with named Eric lost 210 pounds, about what I weigh. He lost the equivalent of an 6’ 2” adult male. This is especially amazing because he’s only about 5’7”. Eric’s a normal, average guy from Kansas, truly the average Joe, no different from you or me.
Not different from a lot of people who feel stuck in a rut. Stuck in their bodies, stuck in an unfulfilling job, stuck in their lives. With one big exception, he took that first step. He took action- because without action nothing can happen.
     Everything you see around you only exists because someone took action. The computer you use would not exist except for some very nerdy guys who started a computer revolution in a garage 30 years ago.
     So what does taking action mean to you?  It means simply deciding a change is need, having a framework to change it, and taking that first step.
 Eric took the first step and kept going. He made some discoveries, and he also made some big mistake. But he didn’t beat himself up for it and moved on, kept going. Which is great because it was his mistakes which taught him more about what he needed to do to succeed. And that process is what leads one to making the big changes in weight, in health, in self acceptance.
     I say self acceptance because one of the things that that is of ultimate importance in making lasting changes is dealing with the mental and emotional components of becoming healthy. Because until you lose your emotional weight you won’t allow yourself to lose the physical weight, or to reach any goal that you are stuck on.
   It comes down to how you think, and you if you think of it, nothing really can change for anyone until they change their thinking. That’s what I’m doing here- planting a seed, a possibility, a knowledge, that change can happen  and only can happen when you decide to
make it happen  and act on that decision. And like any seed it’s up to you to nurture it, and water it, and help it grow from a desire to a possibility, from a possibilty to a belief, and finally from a belief to a rock solid conviction.
    Now as a Brain Trainer I’m going to tell you something that is the one of the keynotes of motivational psychology.
   Most people think that the beliefs they have are a reflection of the life they have led, and what it has taught them - and you may think that - but in actuality, the life you are living is a reflection of the beliefs you have had.
    And, can you imagine this? Your beliefs began with a seed, a suggestion, a thought, that was planted a long time ago - and some of those seeds have born bitter fruit, real bitter fruit.   So it’s time to sow some new seeds and let go of some negative thoughts and replace them with better ones     
     I’ll tell you something about yourself- you’ve already realized that you have got to change something- that’s why you are still reading this. The only question you might want to ask yourself on a deep level is, are you ready to take the next step? Are you ready to  take action to  make it happen ?
    Now here’s the bad news - to change is not a passive, sit back, “ok rearrange my head and health” kind of thing, no.
It takes work.
It takes the decision to act.
It takes structure.
And it takes action.
And I don’t know how you’ll absolutely  convince yourself to continue, I just know you’ve already begun.
       And that’s the good news- unconsciously you’ve decided to act. That much you may already be aware of. Now it’s simply a matter of following through, getting the right tools, the correct information, and the essential support to make the changes you want more quickly and easily than you ever imagined it.
     So plant some positive seeds. Because that’s my reason for writing this article. It’s the same strategy I use when working with a client. Not to say here’s the fully grown plant, the ultimate answer, take it home don’t do anything else, don’t nurture it and watch it wither. But instead to help you plant some seeds that you can nurture and grow in your own unique way.
Hellen Keller took a step,
Bob Dole took a step,
Eric took a step,
Are you ready to too?
Just step

   It’s been said that a person can change the whole world if they can truly set their mind to it. But how do you set your mind?
Because it’s your mind to use but it didn’t come with a set of directions on how to use it. It’s like you have been given a car but never really taught how to drive it.
Remember when you first learned to drive? How hard it was to do? When to give it some gas, move foreword, when to - stop- and
make it change direction,  make it go right  when  you want to
go right. Because even  little changes in direction  will have a huge impact on a long time journey. And that’s why you needed an instructor to teach how to operate the vehicle.
Well it’s the same with your mind.
Here’s an example of something you may know how to do, but not realize when to do.
 Can you think of a time when you were happy?
   Can you visualize or imagine what it looked like when you were so happy?
Can you imagine it as a movie? I
Did you imagine the movie as if you were watching a movie of yourself, and seeing what you looked as a character in that movie? As if you were an actor on a movie screen? Or did you imagine it as if you were looking at it through your own eyes, seeing it as it looked from your perspective? That is called an associated picture. Seeing yourself in the scene is called a dissociated picture. Now, lets try something, temporarily imagine it in the opposite way.
   If you imagined it in an associated movie, then now imagine it dissociated, and if you imagined dissociated switch to associated. Spend a moment really imagining it one way, then the other. Same experience, but how does it change when you do that? For most people associated memories and imagery tend to have much moiré of a visceral and emotional impact. Dissociation tends to drain the emotional charge from it.
And that’s just one submodality or subset of one of your five senses, vision. You could also take a moment to make the movie black and white, or slow it to one photo, or make it smaller, or… you get the idea. And that’s not to mention how you could play with the way you represent the sound, or the physical feeling, or taste, or smell. Most people don’t even realize they  have choice  with that. They just unconsciously represent things in their mind in a totally random manner.
No one has ever taught them how to run their brains in the way that serves them best.   Here’s a cognitive trick that psychologists have observed: Happier successful people tend to associate their memories of their victories and tend to dissociate memories of their failures and setbacks. They don’t ignore them, they just don’t step into them, they  step back from them.  They  learn from them, while letting go of the negative emotional associations. They reinforce their positive memories experiences and feelings that are connected to whatever they are good at or happy about… or they remember very vividly the feelings, sounds, tastes, and smells.  Unhappier and less successful people tend to do the opposite, associating into the negative thoughts and worries, dissociating and therefore draining the emotional impact from positive memories and thoughts.
When it comes to your life which do you do? Do you give the most mental and emotional impact to remembering your setbacks, doubts, and fears? Or do you  make big, bright, lush representation  of your victories and goals? When it comes to your health, which do you do?  When you think of eating healthy, do you step into the movie of you depriving yourself? Or do you  automatically associate the changes you are starting to make, with the body and health  you deserve. What if you were to  stop for a moment,  and imagine what it would feel like to be in the body you want? And to have the knowledge that you can and have changed your life, truly healthfully, easily, and permanently? Step into  that thought.
There are many strategies cognitive science has discovered about using your mind, not just to doing something like lose weight more easily,  but to change your entire life. It’s just a matter of learning how.
  And understand this, once you become aware of the way your mind works, in relation to your body and your life, then you naturally
 begin to make positive changes  in that process.
 
Don’t be surprised when you realize you’ve already started to. Now go play.

Why you are a liar
    Do you keep saying there is something you’d like to change, and it’s something within your physical power to change? Something that other people seem to have taken control of, but you seemingly can’t?
    If so, then I’ve got some good news, and I’ve got some bad news.
    The good news is that you can change that habit or behavior which is blocking your success.
    The bad news is that you are a liar.
     Now before you have the knee jerk reaction of denial or even anger at my statement, let me say something in my defense.
     I’m a liar too - and so is everyone else you know. You, your parents, your friends, your neighbors, we are all liars.  We are all liars for a very good reason. (It has to do with each individual’s two minds: our conscious and our unconscious minds.) Our conscious mind is working for our unconscious mind and our unconscious mind doesn’t think we need to consciously know anything. It’s happy to keep the whole  ball of wax rolling -working behind the scenes, leaving the conscious mind blissfully unaware of the details of how the technical aspects of the show is run. 
    In fact your mind is doing it right now as you read this. Right now you are feeling a certain way in your legs. Actually it’s lower than that – in your foot or, to be more precise, in your toes. Specifically in that one toe, the one that you can now begin to notice is feeling a little different than the other ones. Have you figured out which one it is yet? Stop, and really notice each toe individually, until you can figure out which one it is that feels a little different. Got it? Good. The more you notice it, the more noticeable that different feeling will become.
  It’s actually been feeling that way since before you took notice of it, but your conscious mind was unaware of it, because unless that feeling was of your toe catching fire evolution didn’t need to design that awareness into every moment of your conscious experience.
    And evolution has designed our brains to work in a very specific way. A way that promotes survival. And the fact that you are here today reading this, shows that design works and works well.  For most things.
Caveman brains
   
    We evolved to survive in environments that were inhospitable and dangerous. At a time where starvation was an omnipresent threat and death lurked around every corner. Because of that, we developed the most advanced thinking device in the history of this planet. And it sits there right inside your own noggin.
  Our brains were designed to learn quickly, adapt rapidly, and to accumulate more knowledge than any other species ever. And so it did. But there is a problem with too much thinking. When confronted with a saber tooth tiger, there isn’t time to go over everything one has learned about felines, cross-reference it with what large teeth mean, and perhaps even take a moment to gather more information. There is time to do one of three things; fight, flee, or die. Now the brains that chose dieing didn’t get a chance to pass on that “lets think of all the ramifications of this tiger here” thing. But the brains that were hardwired to instantly react, without conscious thinking, lived on and passed it genes on to us today.
Now how were those primitive humans able to react so quickly to danger?  They were able to do it because their limbic brain could bypass their conscious brain’s thinking response, and send the body automatically in to fight or flight response. Great strategy on the African savannah when our ancestors were struggling to survive. Hardwired to eat whatever scarce food they could find, especially those very scarce items containing fat or those sweet fruits with essential vitamins. Hardwired to react immediately at the merest hint of danger arose and they needed an instant adrenalin dump, rise in heart rate, blood pressure and breathing in order to survive a threat. A very effective way to program a brain for one trial learning, because if that strategy worked once, why would evolution design a brain that would try to mess with what works?
Modern humans with cavemen brains
       Our brains evolved quickly and dramatically as far as evolution is concerned. But the evolution of our technology has been hundreds of thousands times faster.
     Cut to today. We as Americans live in a world unlike any in human history. Food is abundant and always available. Those same fats and sugars which were once effective cues of rare nutritional value are now part of everything we eat. And that is why obesity and its related health problems are an epidemic in America today. That same adrenalin dump, which worked great for survival when any confrontation was a matter of life and death, now takes place more times in the average L.A. traffic jam than in the average caveman’s month. And too much of that response literally stresses the body’s systems till breakdown occurs - in the form of heart attack and other stress related conditions.  That same ability to indelibly associate one traumatic experience with the fight or flight reaction is where all our fears and phobias come from.
    That same one trial learning is why we are all liars. Whether it is losing weight, changing a habit, learning to relax and de-stress, or anything else that involves your thought processes - if you say you want to change your responses, but you don’t do it - it’s because of one trial learning. When you were a child, that was the response which was programmed into your limbic brain.  That the “unwanted” behavior was good, valuable, pleasurable - and in the end, essential to your survival. Otherwise you just wouldn’t do it.
     You may consciously, with all the cognitive skills you possess; logic, reason, willpower, etc., truly believe it when you say you want to change. But until you can get the more primitive limbic brain to understand why the change is necessary, you are spouting more baloney than a Washington politician in an election year press conference. You are lying to yourself and everyone else, because the part of you that causes the reaction wants to keep you reacting exactly the same way.
     But all is not lost. In fact this part of you, which is right now so powerfully keeping you from reaching your goals, is not trying to mess you up. Your unconscious responses were literally programmed into you at a very young age, an age in which you did not yet have the ability to critically think about new information, before you accepted it as being real and made it part of your unconscious response repertoire. Your unconscious mind, the part of your brain that responds without thought, is literally like a child. And its doing the best it can with a child’s limited ability to understand it’s world. And therein lies the reason you can change. Because you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach a child new things, and give them new understandings.
     And when you give your unconscious response system new understandings on how and why it would be better to react differently to something ( whether food, cigarettes, stress, your boss, or any thing else ) then it changes its reaction automatically, and in fact much more easily than you ever thought possible.
      I’ll write more about this on another article.  For now simply know that you can change those things you’ve been trying so hard to change, if you are ready to help your unconscious change its understandings. For some people that idea might be a little scary at first.
 But it sure beats being a liar.